There has been a pandemic that has plagued our society for far longer then the coronavirus has. It is just as contagious and just as destructive.
The Male Ego
More specifically, the common thought amongst a dangerous amount of men and women that men are only supposed to show a certain set of characteristics. Strength, power, toughness, pride, courage, are what is expected of “men” in western culture. Simply being a man isn't enough for society to see you as manly. You have fit a very specific stereotype, which is what drives many social issues like school shootings, gun violence, abuse towards women, and many more. Toxic masculinity itself is not the sole cause of all these issues but without a doubt, the harmful mentality contributes more than people think. Many people don't believe that toxic masculinity affects these issues, and some don't believe it exists at all. Combating toxic masculinity and claiming it exists is often seen as attacking men for being men for being traditionally masculine. But the reality is, being masculine is not the issue. It is the sense of superiority that is often found that is so problematic, and dangerous. Toxic masculinity hinders and harms men just as much as it does anyone else.
Before we can talk about the destructiveness, we first have to understand where this vile mentality stems from. Tough Guise 2 does a stellar job exposing one of the biggest culprits; Hollywood. Specifically mainstream movies and films. This documentary uses clips of famous films and media that show men jumping off of buildings, shooting machine guns, being tough, being hard, and being a "manly Man". These portrayals of what a man should act like is dangerous because when a young impressionable boy only ever sees a man act one way, he'll believe that is the only way that a man is supposed to act. Not being able to live up to the unrealistic standards of masculinity can often cause problems within young boys, not to mention the behavioral issue that comes with it. When being a man, you're not supposed to show or talk about your feelings. So the anxiety, depression, and disappointment in oneself that comes with not meeting the unrealistic expectation often cause anger and a fragile sense of self. This is especially destructive because at a young age, if we do not develop healthy coping mechanisms for these intense feelings, it will carry on into our adult life. So, when the young boy becomes an adult, he will have no way to express his feelings, and is more likely to take these raw, intense feelings out on those around him. Violence against his family, violence against women, and violence against his peers.
It is important that not all men are like this. Many men will have at least one positive male figure that shows them that being a man is much more than what they see on tv but, nonetheless, the issue still stands. So what do we do to combat this issue, and prevent it from happening again?
Talk about it.
We need to be more aware of this issue and understand that boys are not the problem. Being masculine is not the issue; But it can easily become one. Micheal Ian Black says it best is his opinion article "The Boys Are Not All Right" published by the NY Times. "America’s boys are broken. And it’s killing us." He goes on to identify that young boys in America face many challenges while growing up, described as "trapped in the same suffocating, outdated model of masculinity, where manhood is measured in strength, where there is no way to be vulnerable without being emasculated". This article is raw and honest and shows genuine concern for not only the people that these boys hurt, but the boys themselves. Something needs to be done, but not everyone agrees with what's being done.
Another opinion article by the NY times, one from Matt Lebash, is "Not your fathers masculinity" who simultaneously pokes fun at what we as people are doing in order to combat the issue, but also gives accurate and valid concerns. "one generally doesn’t turn to men’s magazine editors with soft hands who fret about conquering ‘your complex pant-shoe relationship’ for instruction on the meaning of manhood." Commenting how a men's magazine "Gentlemen’s Quarterly" may be helpful to some men, but in reality is a form of self selection bias. Meaning the only kind of men who subscribe and read the magazine, are men who choose to because they like it. It is not an accurate representation of all men. So the "New form of masculinity" that people are using to fight this issue, is excluding an entire demographic of good men and leaving them behind. "Just to be a man is to be toxic." As I have stated before, masculinity and being masculine is not the issue, but the superiority complex that develops. It all comes down to all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares.
So now what?
We have a nation full of men that don't know how to process their feelings, connect deeply with other people, especially other men, and the only solution we've come up with so far leaves out an entire generation of what can be considered good, honest, genuine men.
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